I'M TIRED OF THIS GRANDPA!
This week I was having one of my many prayers (rants) with God (Lol) and we got to a point in the conversation where I had begun to tell him just how exhausted I was feeling about preaching the same message over and over again. I feel like everywhere I go, I'm trying to tell people that God is accepting of queer people. I go into so many Facebook groups and online spaces continually saying how much God loves them and that It's okay to be who they are, and honestly, I feel like no one is listening to me! I created a website and a blog and a Twitter, Instagram, and book, and no one is really following, any of my accounts; I barely have any book sales, and I barely get any traffic or views on my blog and website. So much of this feels like I'm screaming into a crowd of people covering their ears. And with each time I try to spread the word or preach the message, I feel like it's going in one ear and out the other. And I can't help but think it might have something to do with me. Am I preaching it wrong? Am I being overbearing? Do I plug my own stuff too much? A part of me really wanted to stop because I am just so TIRED of talking about it. It's the same thing over and over and I quite literally wrote a book on it, and I feel used up before I could even take my message over to my podcast. But As I was talking to God I played a song that was stuck in my head by Todrick Hall. And in that song, Todrick was talking about how his dad was really homophobic towards him when he was young, and how he weaponized a toxic and untrue version of Christianity towards him to try to get him to change to be straight. And I knew that this message was something that I needed to continue to preach to as many people that will listen to me; because the message is so simple, but so absolutely life changing. And if it only helps a couple of people, then I'm happy to have helped the few who are willing to listen.
I do think that I need to take some time to rest for a little bit; but after that, I think I need to change my focus from people to God. If I keep looking at people then I will never be able to find happiness or peace in them because people are not consistent. But if I change my view to God, then I can remove my need for validation from people, to the one who already approves and loves me, and is happy with the work that I am doing.