Hello friends, when I first recommitted my life to Christ; one of the first things that God kept telling me was that He loved me. He said very often and to be honest it kind of made me really confused. I kept asking Him what I needed to do to fit what He wanted me to be, so that I could be loved, and He wouldn't say anything back. I would start to get really frustrated because love to me was never unconditional. It was always loaded with unspoken rules and conditions, switching with each and every person that I came into contact with. Over time I became a master at fitting the mold. I could have won Emmys, Tonys, and Grammys with my wonderful acting and singing performances. I still was myself around everyone, but I had accepted that to have love from friendships, family, and people in general, that I had a role to play. I knew myself enough to know that not every role was for me, but if I found one I liked, I played the mess out of that role. So when I was talking to God about Him loving me, I was confused about why He wasn't giving me standards to achieve this love He was talking about. So one day I finally just told Him "You keep telling me that You love me, but I don't even know what that means. Everyone that told me that they loved me, eventually left me, so..." And y'all I wish I could pinpoint yall to a specific verse or specific sermon that helped me with this concept. But honestly, I feel like God just showed up for me, in ways that I understood that He truly cared about me. And honestly, I think I also had to become aware that He was doing things for me too because He cared about me. Previously I used to throw away acts of kindness towards me, because many times they felt insincere to me, or impersonal. But I think I had to learn that someone could do things for me in a true way, and that mixed with God actually doing the kind things, helped me to see that love was truly something that was pure and unconditional. It's definitely a process to learn, and it'll take some time, especially if you've endured abuse, but it'll make sense eventually. And I can't say that even now I fully understand the full scope of God's love for me, but I love that I know even a little bit more about how He feels about me.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 NIV
