Dissecting Biblical Marriage
Hello friends! I know that most of yall are LGBTQ+, so alot of yall already know that biblical marriage doesn't apply to everyone (As mentioned by Jesus Himself in Matthew 19:11-12) But I have good news for the heterosexuals too! Alot of the stuff that people CLAIM is in the bible is actually NOT! I was really shocked after finding this stuff out, but also not because of course, God is not as rigid as people call Him out to be. It's always human beings who come up with these random and oppressive rules.
'Jesus answered, “This teaching does not apply to everyone, but only to those to whom God has given it. For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some, because they were born that way; others, because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Let him who can accept this teaching do so.” '
Matthew 19:11-12 GNTD
So what are some things that Christian culture claims is in the bible but it actually isn't?
1.The Bible Does NOT Define Gender!!
I have seen many a homophobic and transphobic pastor talk about how God has defined a man and a woman, but babeyyyy that's not in the bible! Try to find the scriptures. They not there. And that's because gender is a social construct! It's literally a delusion that people decided to agree on.
2. Men Do Not Have To Be Masculine
Men don't have to be masculine or providers. And men don't have to pay for dates or be the ones to ask women out. Again these are just social constructs that Christian culture adopted. They are not biblical.
3. Women Don't Have To Be Feminine
Women don't have to be feminine or child raisers. Women don't have to stay at home, cook, clean, or do anything else that society deems to be a "woman's position". These ideals are also social constructs and are not biblically based.
4. "Living In Sin" (In Terms Of Living Together Before Marriage) Is Not A Thing
The bible does not prohibit living together before marriage. There is no verse on it. People only say this because they don't believe they have enough self-control to not have sex before marriage, but aces are a thing, so some people don't even experience sexual attraction. However, this does not mean that God won't tell people not to live together. There are MANY reasons why living together before marriage could be a problem for many people. Some people don't have a lot of self-control to not have sex, for others it can blur the lines of their relationship and they start to give more to their partner than they should. For some people, they may need to leave their partner down the line, and sharing an apartment could make that process messier. Some people could even be in a relationship that God told them to leave before the person started showing huge signs of toxicity, and sharing a house could help to expose the terribleness of that person to you in ways that you didn't need to see. So not living together is a great rule of thumb for most unmarried couples, however it is not inheirently a sin. I found a great blog post from a Christian website that is centered specifically on this topic, and I'll link it below the finished article.
So now that we discussed what is not in the bible, let's take a look at what the bible does say about marriage. I'm only going to list what is in the New Testament because one, I didn't feel like going through the entire Old Testament to find them (lol just being honest), and two, we don't follow the Law of the Old Testament anymore so it doesn't apply. So here are all of the bible verses in the New Testament (that specifically talk about marriage) listed below.
'Now, to deal with the matters you wrote about. A man does well not to marry. But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband. A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs. A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is. Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control. I tell you this not as an order, but simply as a permission. Actually I would prefer that all of you were as I am; but each one has a special gift from God, one person this gift, another one that gift. Now, to the unmarried and to the widows I say that it would be better for you to continue to live alone as I do. But if you cannot restrain your desires, go ahead and marry—it is better to marry than to burn with passion. For married people I have a command which is not my own but the Lord's: a wife must not leave her husband; but if she does, she must remain single or else be reconciled to her husband; and a husband must not divorce his wife. To the others I say (I, myself, not the Lord): if a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she agrees to go on living with him, he must not divorce her. And if a Christian woman is married to a man who is an unbeliever and he agrees to go on living with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made acceptable to God by being united to her Christian husband. If this were not so, their children would be like pagan children; but as it is, they are acceptable to God. However, if the one who is not a believer wishes to leave the Christian partner, let it be so. In such cases the Christian partner, whether husband or wife, is free to act. God has called you to live in peace. How can you be sure, Christian wife, that you will not save your husband? Or how can you be sure, Christian husband, that you will not save your wife? '
1 Corinthians 7:1-16 GNTD
So upon reading these verses there are only like two sentences in there that are not Paul's opinion. (Which states that married people can't divorce each other, but Jesus Himself gives people the permission to divorce each other due to adultery and sexual immorality.) And the rest is literally just Paul saying what he THINKS. He is talking from his OWN OPINION and those are not actions that we necessarily have to follow.
'Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is himself the Savior of the church, his body. And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands just as the church submits itself to Christ. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. He did this to dedicate the church to God by his word, after making it clean by washing it in water, in order to present the church to himself in all its beauty—pure and faultless, without spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection. Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. ( None of us ever hate our own bodies. Instead, we feed them, and take care of them, just as Christ does the church; for we are members of his body.) As the scripture says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.” There is a deep secret truth revealed in this scripture, which I understand as applying to Christ and the church. But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.'
Ephesians 5:21-33 GNTD
As I read these verses, for me it's giving equality. It's giving equal submission to each other. And it's giving treat each other the way you want to be treated!
' Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, for that is what you should do as Christians. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. '
Colossians 3:18-19 GNTD
I know for a lot of people seeing the word submit makes people cringe. But the submission that the bible speaks of is not the abusive way that the world sees submission. Submission to spouses should parallel the submission one should have with God. God allows us to speak to Him and ask questions, and get clarity from Him. God doesn't just give us orders and expects us to be mindless robots who complete a task. He wants us to be active in the relationship. Talking things out and having a stance on what you want to be done in your life. God doesn't try to "pull rank" on us any time we have a disagreement and neither should anyone's spouse. Submit simply means to allow them to lead. (And remember y'all Jesus said that this way of marriage isn't for everyone so if that is not your calling then don't do it!)
' In the same way you wives must submit yourselves to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe God's word, your conduct will win them over to believe. It will not be necessary for you to say a word, because they will see how pure and reverent your conduct is. You should not use outward aids to make yourselves beautiful, such as the way you fix your hair, or the jewelry you put on, or the dresses you wear. Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God's sight. For the devout women of the past who placed their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful by submitting themselves to their husbands. Sarah was like that; she obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are now her daughters if you do good and are not afraid of anything. In the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. '
1 Peter 3:1-7 GNTD
This passage more so applies to women who marry non-Christians, so that their conduct could win over their husbands for Jesus. And these scripture verses mainly focus on women, but it also tells husbands that they should treat their wives with respect as well. And as far as the whole Sarah called Abraham her master thing... That is HER ministry, and that does not have to be yours. Basically what I am saying is biblical marriage more so focuses on equality than what the church is letting on. The church has allowed the culture to define the roles and statuses of husbands and wives, and that has created turmoil for many people who don't agree with, nor feel spiritually led to behave in this manner. God is a God of equality so folks if you have a spouse that is trying to use the bible to be manipulative and abusive towards you, that is NOT God-ordained! God wants us to have loving and beautiful relationships where we help and respect one another. So anyone who tries to come against that absolute truth is fighting for the hand of the enemy!
Link To Living Together Is Not A Sin Blog Post: