Hello friends! For some time now God has been speaking to me about perfectionism. I really struggle with this in my life and it has caused a hindrance in my walk with Christ. At least for me, the reason I strive to be perfect stems from my childhood. In order for me to survive my childhood, I convinced myself that if I was the perfect person, if I was always sweet and nice and giving, and early to things, and there for people, and always on call to help anyone, then I would finally be loved. Then, I would have everyone's approval and no one would ever leave me.
I had a tough childhood growing up, and I could never keep a group of friends by my side. And with my family eventually rejecting me for being gay, I clinged on to this concept of perfection as sort of my saving grace through it all. Everyone kept leaving me, but if I morphed myself into the perfect person, then no one would... right? And as I grew up I knew that logically this concept is impossible to achieve, but I still had a drive within me to do my best to achieve this. And striving for this goal was literally wearing me out, but I still woke up everyday trying to do it. I would even see bible verses that talked about being perfect, so I assumed that, that was what God wanted for me.
But as I grew in the Lord, He showed me that the perfection that the bible speaks of, is to be perfected in His love; because His perfect love casts out all fear. And that 'fear' includes fear of abandonment, loss, rejection, isolation, and negative perception. God's love, once you allow it to seep into your heart, will fill you up with joy, acceptance, and comfort. God continues to remind me every day that He loves me and accepts me for who I am; and that though people may change and leave, He never will. He is always with me and right beside me, and is rooting for me in all spaces. He knows that I will still mess up and He doesn't care! It's not an issue with God because He didn't design us to be perfect! We are not meant to be perfect and we don't need to be because God already is perfect! And He loves us EXACTLY as we are!
I don't want to seem like I completely conquered this issue in my life just yet. I still keep trying to be perfect in a lot of areas of my life. But I am making steps towards positive change in this. This issue is really deeply rooted in my heart, and I know that it will take some time to fully heal, but I'm glad that I am finally doing something about it. Things take time, but it all starts with one step in the right direction! Anyways if this issue resonates with you, I hope that you make the space to remove this from your heart. It can be tough, but just know that I am making the change with you! So you are not alone!
I found a sermon online that I really liked on this subject and I'll post the link to it. I hope it helps you in the same way that it helped me! :D
4 If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.
Ecclesiastes 11:4 TLB
